Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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