omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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