Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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