Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
