remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
