did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
