Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
