I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How does one acquire holy water?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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