there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
be right there i have to get my cape
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
