Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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