You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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