My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
