I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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