im drinking this country out of the recession.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
