She said her name was "party"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
