Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
