I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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