the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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