I think scott just propositioned me for sex
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
