I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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