I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
