I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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