Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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