Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
