i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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