Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
