funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
