So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
