just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
