Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
