the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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