Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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