i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize