On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
