i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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