When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
