There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
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