I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
