she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
