Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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