my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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