I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
