i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
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