it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
