I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize