I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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