I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
