She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
