so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
