do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
