Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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