fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
