i need an iv and a liver transplant
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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