So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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