First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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