I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
