I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
