It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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