I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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