Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
