I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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