think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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