WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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