new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
