im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize