I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
